FIST FLOWERS OF DOOM

Ahh, Spring! The air is crisp, the flowers are blooming, and the garden slugs are JUST peeking out from their hidey holes:

...in our cakes.

Ew.
Maybe we should go back to the flower thing.

After all, flowers make everything prettier, from weddings:

...to anniversaries:

...to birthdays:

...to, um, chicken feet?

(I'm sure the baker would have labeled it a dead cactus, but no one can read her chicken scratch anyway.)

Hey, you know the only thing better than rosebuds in Spring?

A double feature of The Tell-Tale Heart.

:D

And while we're talking flowers that look like body parts:

WHY DO THESE FLOWERS HAVE FINGERS?

Here, I'll zoom in:

See?

They're like tiny little fists of doom, preparing to flip us off with their tiny little chubby fingers.
Of doom.

For that matter, the whole cake is kind of a bad trip gone worse, am I right? Random fist flowers, poo nuggets, an abstract bow/bat being attacked by giant dots...

I feel perhaps I'm getting a little "off point."

So, in conclusion: Yay Spring. Until the bee sperm bumble tadpoles X-Wing Bees show up.

o.0

'Cuz that's a honey boo-boo if I ever saw one.

Thanks to Caroline L., Amanda D., Sarah M., Ferryn, Lizzy E., John W., Syd D. & May for putting an extra Spring in our step.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Colorful Metaphors

Hello, and welcome to your virtual color therapy session! As you know, it's national color therapy month, so the results we get here today will be invaluable to researchers everywhere who need a good laugh.

Remember, this IS for posterity, so please, be honest.

How do these colors make you feel?

[scribbling on clipboard] Mmmhmmm, I see. And these?

I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity? Thank you.

These next ones should inspire feelings of peace and tranquility. Take a look:

 On a scale of one to ten, how much less violent do you feel towards me now?

Excellent.

Does this next example generate the same kind of elation you normally experience while cleaning your ears with an extra long Q-tip?

Why, or why not?

And would you say that this next example makes you more or less likely to donate a vital organ to a total stranger?

Fascinating.

Now, I want you to stare at this next one while imagining your least favorite food:

Are you thinking of the food you hate most? Good. Now ... are you going to eat all of those chips? Because I forgot my wallet at home, and ... you know what, we can talk about this later.

And finally, lets try a little behavioral role play. I'm your executioner, and I have two types of rope to make a noose. Which of these options makes you feel happier?

Innnteresting.

Well, that's everything, so thank you for providing some truly startling results, test subject!

As a reward for successfully completing your therapy session, you get a cake with a beautiful, cheery rainbow. Enjoy.

Just kidding. The cake is, of course, a lie.

(And they said a color-blind baker could never do this job. HA.)

Thanks to Jaemi S., Sam L., Samantha, Katie M., Amanda B., Nicole, John L., & Katherine M. Now, go get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.

*****

P.S. I went looking for "colorful therapy" things and ended up down an "LED mask" rabbit-hole. Any of you use one of these?

LED Skin Care Mask

The ad photos are clearly photoshopped, but some of the customer before-and-afters in the reviews are impressive, at least for acne and acne scarring. Mostly the photos are a creepy slideshow of glowing faces, though, which is kinda fun on its own. :p

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: