Princess: Impossible

In honor of National Princess Week, I've arranged to have some of the world's most famous royalty come and visit! Woot woot!

But then they all canceled, so we got these instead:

YIKES.

I mean, uh, won't you say hello, ladies?

"I DON'T LIKE YOU."

[silent glare]

"Life is awful, and then you die.
"....Happy birthday."

Ohhhh kaaay...

Oh, but look! I think Ariel made it, after all!
To think, she swam all this way just to wish you aAAAAAUUUGHH!!

[climbing off floor]
[adjusting hair]

Well, I guess we should just try to make the best of things.

Play us off, Hell's Belles!!

[heavy metal intro plays]

"Tale of cakey crime!

[JUDJUDJUDJUD]

"Cruel as it can be!"

"Curse these princess trends!

[YOWWWW!]

"When will it all end?!"

[music slows]

"Someoooone call
aaa
priiieeeeest!"

Thanks to Colleen W., Kerry Z., Anja H., Amanda S., Cassie S., Jennifer F., Lesley W., & Crista C. for the fairy tale rending.

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I'm in a Facebook group that celebrates "Tiara Tuesdays," so I tend to look at a lot of sparkly crowns and tiaras - and this is one of my favorites:

Jeweled Baroque Crown

Because we all have to be THIS extra to make up for all that time in lockdown, am I right?

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Horny Unicorn

PARENTAL NOTE: Best keep the little ones away today. I think this is mostly safe for work, though. Mostly. [evil grin]

I'm sensing there's a story here:

Just me?

And I kinda love how this bakery advertises that they're 50 years old - so mature! so established! - RIGHT NEXT to their poop cakes:

Anyone else immediately "go" to this?

We all are, Danny. WE ALL ARE.

(Also, can we talk about how intentional poop cakes don't look NEARLY as sh*tty as the unintentional ones? No? Allllllrighty then.)

Bakers, minions, makers and binions - we've been through this. Right? I mean, I thought I was *very* clear last time. Apparently this needs repeating, though, so here goes.

Ahem hem hem.

UNICORNS DON'T HAVE DONGS ON THEIR HEADS.

Buck up, it's gonna be a bum-py ride.

I'm starting to think you guys are missing the point on purpose, just so I'll write more of my awesome "horny" puns. And they are awesome. But still. Cut it out.

And speaking of things that are happy to see you, here's the one kind of troll you WANT on the internet:

(Tutorial here)

...aaaand here's how a baker trolls a Troll cake:

Oh.

Oh dear.

Thanks to Laura H., Susan O., Anony M., & Anony T. for the most excellent wreckporting.

*****

P.S. I feel like I should apologize for this t-shirt, so... I'm sorry.

Dinosaurs Eat Unicorns T-Shirt

Unless you're laughing. In that case, you're welcome - and this comes in more colors at the link. :)

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And from my other blog, Epbot: