Annual Wreckage Review

"Good season, bakers, good season! A lot of you showed up, some of you made some stuff, a few gave roughly 65%, and I'd say this Easter was our 'best' yet!

"Now, let's review how our new designs performed this year. Elmer? I believe you have some numbers for us?"

"Yes, thank you, sir. [starting slide show] First up, our 'Clown Face Bunny' here made a huge impression in the 3-7 age bracket...

"...but, unfortunately, most were screaming too incoherently for us to make much of their feedback.

"Next up, 'Dalek Face' seemed to garner a lot of attention from college students in particular:

"Plus at least one customer was spotted chasing his girlfriend yelling, 'EXTERMINATE,' so I'd call that a 'win.'"

"'Bunny brick,' however, went over like a ton of itself:

"I think next year we should add a tail."

"Our cross-over design for Passover, 'Rabbi Rabbit', also had mixed reviews:

"Something about an explosive head injury? I don't know. You guys see anything wrong here?"

"'Well, moving on, 'Ninja Bunny' made a killing, in a manner of speaking:

"So I'd say we made a good call on the throwing carrots."

"'Baby Bunny Cake' was also a hit...

"...er, with cats.
"Yes, I know it's strange, but we had several customers wander over from the pet aisle, and they told us their cats loved the feather accents. So that's a keeper right there."

"'Puddle o' Poo,' however, actually got a few complaints:

"It turns out our marketing team was wrong: people only like chocolate icing poo when it's featured on Cake Wrecks. To quote our Marketing lead Stacey, 'Our bad.'"

"And finally, our Simpsons tribute lamb may need to get chopped next year. (Heh. Aheh. Little joke for you there.)

"Ahem. Yes, it turns out, not everyone loves Moe the bartender. So next year Marketing suggests we try a Maggie model, with a sugar pacifier."

"It's gonna be awesome."

Thanks to our Wreckporter Review Committee Kay S., Meghann M, Leanne P., Beth P., Alicia F., Katie G., Caitlin T., & Julia S. See y'all next year!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK,Canada.

Basic Instructions

How to Literally Be the Worst Wreckerator:

1) Many names have unusual variations these days, so always remember to double check the spelling ahead of time.

"And her name is Starr with two 'r's."

[writing] "Star...with... two 'R's. Roger.

"No, Star."

"Lady, I got this."

2) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but sometimes it only takes a few to get the general idea across.

"Hi. I'm looking for a Super Mario cake with a green pipe on it - you know, the thing with the plant coming out of it? I called it in a few days ago."

"Oh, right. Um..."

"Sorry, ma'am, but your cake is in another bakery."

3) Keep in mind that some grammatical words have more than one meaning.

For example, 'slash' can also mean 'kill', 'period' can mean 'length of time', and 'space' will always be a mystery.

"Not gonna lie; I would have slashed to go to a 'Pirate Space Palooza' when I was 12. Period."

4) Ordering a cake shouldn't be rocket surgery, so always strive to make the ordering process as easy as possible for your clients.

"Hi there, I'd like to order a cake? It's for my friend Vicki; she's turning thirty on Thursday."

"No problem! I'll just write, 'Vicki Thirty Thursday', then, shall I?"

"Um, no - just a simple 'Happy Thirtieth' will do, thanks."

"'Happy Birthday Thirty,' comin' right up!"

"No no, I want 'Happy Thirtieth,' and then her name on it."

"Yooooou betcha. 'Thirty Happy Vickies' it is!"

"Are you daft? Look, I just want 'Happy Thirtieth, Vicki' ok?"

"OH! Of course! Silly me. Now I understand."

"Finally! Thank you!"

"I just have one question."

"What?"

"Where does the 'Thursday' go?"

[silence]

"Vicki? You ok?"

Thanks to Nancy W., Michele S., Steph W., Nancy E., and my good friend Scott Meyer of the real Basic Instructions for the inspiration.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK,Canada.