Are These Boobs? Do I Censor This? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE

Minions, all I know about today's cake is that it was for a shower. I'm guessing a baby shower? Though I suppose it could have been for a bridal shower. Heck, this thing's weird enough it could have been for an actual wrap-up-your-hair-and-grab-the-back-loofah shower. I have no idea, is what I'm saying.

Also, can nipples be yellow? I only ask because I don't know if I should censor this thing or not. I mean, maybe those aren't nipples at all, maybe they're... [head tilt]... little sombreros. On cantaloupes. Being held in a purple neck sling thingie.

Which brings me to another issue: is the purple thing supposed to be a bra? Because news flash, baker: bras don't work like that. AT ALL.

Oh yeah, I guess I should show you all the cake, huh? You're probably asking, "Jen, are we there yet?" Which is funny, you asking it that way, because that brings me to the final weird bit:

...are we WHERE yet? Who's asking? What does that have to do with sombrero-wearing cantaloupes in a neck sling? How is any of this shower related? Is this real life? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE??

[sits back down]
[pats hair into place]

Ahem.

Well, thanks, Cindy W., for leaving us with only questions. I look forward to everyone's myriad hypotheses - and sketches of sombrero-wearing cantaloupes - in the comments.

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OK, so I couldn't find any cantaloupes wearing sombreros, but can I interest you in cats wearing bunny ears?

(Kitan Club Cat Cap)

I've given these as gifts before, and my favorite part is guessing what kind of photos I'll get back: either cute cats in hats, my friends' scratched up arms and hands, or both! :D

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Christmas Lives On In Our Hearts & Santa's Wang Nose

You can't hide it from me, minions; you miss Christmas. The lights, the food, the days off, maybe not so much the music, but definitely the gifts - am I right?

Well never fear! Because for one day only, I'm bringing Sexy Santa back.

Rudolf the Red KNOWS a nose wang, dear.

(And now you can't unsee it, either.)

Kathy wanted her cake to read, "We love your face." When asked about the decorations, she replied:

AND SO THEY DID.

Of course, some people celebrate a special birth on Christmas:

Yes, Happy Birthday, Jissas.

(I read that out loud and made myself laugh so hard I think I peed a little. And that mental image is my belated Christmas gift to you.)

Now, I know what you're thinking. "John," you're thinking, because you've wrongly assumed only John would joke about peeing himself on this blog, but HA FOOLED YOU, this is Jen, so there - "John," you're thinking, "if you love Christmas so much, why don't you...

"... put this cake out of its misery?"

Good question, minions. Good question.

And finally, let me end with a new-but-belated holiday tradition:

Kissing under the Missile Toe.
Or... Mrissle Foe?
Eh, you know, I'd rather imagine a rocket-propelled foot finger, so let's go with that.

Thanks to Ramzy, Kathy K., Summer G., Candace C., & C. B., who bets this new tradition is really going to take off.

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Update from john (the hubby of Jen): Look what I found!!!

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And from my other blog, Epbot: