The War on Baby Showers

With all the scary C-section and jelly-soaked vagina cakes out there, I think we've lost track of what a baby shower cake SHOULD be.

No, this isn't it.

C'mon, guys, what's wrong with a sweet, heartfelt sentiment?

Or a cutesy character?

(On the plus side, it's nice seeing chocolate curls used for something other than "down there hair." [shudder])

Ok, how about some baby accessories? You know, bottles and bows, pacifiers and... uh...

...pee sticks.

Of course pee sticks.

Guess that beats putting the real thing on there, though - which, oh yes, people keep doing:

Thanks for not jamming the business end into the icing, I guess.

::sigh::

Ok, fine. Go back to your belly and butt and vajayjay cakes, people. BUT KNOW THIS: someday you, too, could be told, "There's cake in the break room!" like poor Lynds here, only to find that THIS is what someone actually brought in to work:

Clean up on aisle 3. Bring lots of brain bleach.

Thanks to Amanda S., Anony S., Rebekah D., Colleen F., Beka K., Corey, Nellie C., & Lynds for ensuring I will never eat a chocolate-sprinkled raspberry donut ever again.

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P.S., See, now HERE'S a cute idea for a baby shower: a Taco Tuesday accessory set:

That's an avocado rattle, ermergosh.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Dolly Wants To Play

There really is nothing more terrifying than a creepy baby doll. I'm serious. They freaked me out as a kid and still manage to scare the pants off me today, what with their static staring eyes and little outstretched zombie arms and all.

Thankfully, there's a new baking trend that makes these dolls waaaaaay less creepy. (I'm lying; these are terrifying. Proceed with caution.)

Don't... make... eye contact...

All tucked in, and ready to kill.

"Ooh! I'll take that corner piece..."

"...and an arm. But that's it. I'm dieting."

Note: This next cake is not to scale.

Usually the pacifier is much larger.

Is it impolite to suck frosting off the baby's legs?

It is? Poor taste, huh?

...

Ok, what about its head?

...

No? Fine. I'll just collect my watermelon and show myself out.

Thanks, Valentina, Liz C., Carrie J., and Dana S.! Ya know, these cakes started out as creepy , but now they're looking kinda DELICIOUS. Mmmm.... babies.... grlslgrsagagagle.....

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