I'll Never Stop Laughing Over This "Unicorn"

Heather asked her bakery if they could add a unicorn to her cookie cake.

They said - and this is a direct quote - "Yes."

"YES."

So just so we're clear: the professional baking people said yes, they could add a unicorn to Heather's cookie cake.

NOOOOOOOOO

 ******

"Little did the princesses know that directly above their heads..."

"... lurked the tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist.

  ******

I hear it ain't easy.

  ******

"Hey Sal, this drunk melting blue cat just isn't weird enough, you know? Anything else we can add?"

AHA! Pirate chest hat! 
PERFECT.

 ****** 

Occasions That Call For Sh*t Balloons:

- Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Anniversary of Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Someone Else Asked About Your Hemorrhoid 
- The Hemorrhoid Cream Worked! 
- Your Boss's Birthday

Thanks to Heather C., Marie S., Chris H., Joy J., & Michele A. for the crappy occasions.

And hey, speaking of things that are crappy (and also green! Another tie-in!), I feel like this is the crowd to appreciate my latest Amazon find:

 It's a ceramic frog texting on the toilet.

But wait, THERE'S MORE.

The Texting Toilet Frog also comes on a shower curtain:

And as hilariously bad as that photoshopped product photo is, for $17 I'm tempted to buy it just to put up the next time my parents visit... AND THEN SAY NOTHING.

Three Times Customers Told Bakers Exactly Where To Stick It

I know we've all been tempted sometimes, minions, but these people actually did it.

UP TOP!

ON THE TRAY!

IN THE FLAY!

Er, flag. She meant flag. But I guess this works.

And extra credit to the teacher who did NOT tell her baker where to stick it, but instead handed over a notepad with all her kids' names on it, so the baker could just copy them on to the cake.

Sadly, the baker stuck it anyway:

Right where the sun won't shine!

(You know, because they're inside.)

Thanks to Annie, Trinity L., Kaye P., & Molly H. for teaching us all a lesson on following directions.

Also teachers, if you're looking for a new notepad, I'm really liking these:

Everything Is Fine Notepads

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: