I'll Never Stop Laughing Over This "Unicorn"

Heather asked her bakery if they could add a unicorn to her cookie cake.

They said - and this is a direct quote - "Yes."

"YES."

So just so we're clear: the professional baking people said yes, they could add a unicorn to Heather's cookie cake.

NOOOOOOOOO

 ******

"Little did the princesses know that directly above their heads..."

"... lurked the tragically misunderstood tentacle volcano optometrist.

  ******

I hear it ain't easy.

  ******

"Hey Sal, this drunk melting blue cat just isn't weird enough, you know? Anything else we can add?"

AHA! Pirate chest hat! 
PERFECT.

 ****** 

Occasions That Call For Sh*t Balloons:

- Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Anniversary of Your First Hemorrhoid 
- Someone Else Asked About Your Hemorrhoid 
- The Hemorrhoid Cream Worked! 
- Your Boss's Birthday

Thanks to Heather C., Marie S., Chris H., Joy J., & Michele A. for the crappy occasions.

And hey, speaking of things that are crappy (and also green! Another tie-in!), I feel like this is the crowd to appreciate my latest Amazon find:

 It's a ceramic frog texting on the toilet.

But wait, THERE'S MORE.

The Texting Toilet Frog also comes on a shower curtain:

And as hilariously bad as that photoshopped product photo is, for $17 I'm tempted to buy it just to put up the next time my parents visit... AND THEN SAY NOTHING.