Do The Floppy Flips

Ahh, flip-flops. The quintessential, mandatory summer footwear of summer-dwelling people who also have feet.

Look closely. You're about to forget what these look like.

Here in Florida, you'd be hard pressed to find a person NOT wearing flip-flops right now. That's because we're actually required to have a minimum of 6 pairs each, along with an annual pass to Disney World, a full keg of OJ, and a sickly pale non-tan that helps us differentiate each other from the tourists.

But, I digress.

Naturally, bakers are RIGHT ON TRACK with the floppy flip sole train:

By offering us spotted pickles.

(CHOOCHOO, MOFOS)

And lei-wearing bam-hammers.

And... uh... [reaching desperately] Pikachu smears?

And...

OH COME ON

[evil, deadpan glare]

Wrecky minions, it is with only the greatest horrified amusement that I announce the flip-flop CCC (patooie!) has officially warped beyond all recognition. I give you...

The Tadpole Ghosts of Flops Past.

Rest in pieces, wrecky flops. Rest in pieces.

Thanks to Alexis H., Kris K., Rebecca K., Danielle H., Tina, & Zakiya P. for toeing the line.

*****

Y'all. These fish are flip-flops (fish-flops?), and people are RAVING about them in the reviews, and I don't know what's happening anymore, and I'm a little scared:

Bing Rui Fish Slippers

I love that they leave "fishprints" as you walk, though. Ha!

They come in 5 other colors, in case you'd like your fish shoes to be more realistic. Which is a sentence I never imagined myself writing back in college.

*****

And because it’s a very relevant post from my other blog, Epbot:

Wreckerators Hate Zebras, Here's Proof

I've discovered something incredible, minions: wreckerators hate zebras.

It's true!

Wreckerators hate zebras so much, they can't even look at them - which is why so many "zebra-striped" cakes end up looking like poop smears:

  Or DNA sequencing:

Or, my personal favorite, the Mind Flayer from Stranger Things:

Now, just as a reminder, this is what a zebra looks like:

(wreckerators, avert your eyes)

And these are what zebra stripes look like on cake:

But if you order that from a wreckerator, be prepared for things to go, shall we say, swimmingly?

That is, be prepared to have a certain... outburst.

Or rather, be prepared for whatever comes your way.

I feel like there are more sperm puns here, hang on.

Oh! I know.

What's black and white and bred all over?

I'll stop now.

Thanks to Jasmine H., Jennifer B., Katie V., & Barb for that fascinating intercourse.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: