Prepare For ALL The "Horny" Jokes

Have you seen these new unicorn cakes going around?

They're adorable and fairly simple to make, so of course they're hugely popular. And talk about a gift to bakers! All you need are a plain round cake, a few flowers, some eyes, ears, and a horn. Boom.
Done.

How do you mess that up?

I'll answer that question with another question:

Unicorn horns: do they really NEED a point?

Yes, yes they do.

FUN FACT: I looked up "Horny" in my thesaurus, and no lie, one of the synonyms is "hot to trot." I can't even make this stuff up.

Of course, some might argue Mister Sex Ed* there has a horn that looks more like a cigar, but that's a fallacy. ('Cuz that's a phallus, see?)

Ooh, I just realized this cake gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "horsing around." Heyooo.

And to something that rhymes with "thickhead." Heyoooooo.

So the next time you feel like betting on the ponies, minions, just make sure your baker gets a grip, and doesn't blow it.

[*COME ON THAT WAS GENIUS... to everyone over the age of 40.]

Thanks to Diane C. for the excuse to write the Mister Ed pun my soul has always yearned for.

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I know it’s not even remotely Halloween, but as the owner of a black cat, I can tell you this one's appropriate year-round:

Cat's Got Your Knife T-Shirt

Lots more colors at the link.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Great Expectations

I know we all love wedding wrecks with a schadenfreude-filled passion, but when it comes to what-they-wanted vs. what-they-got wrecks, believe me, it's not just wedding cakes:

You know those days when you wonder why you even bothered showing up for work? 

That's the top tier on the right.

 Ammi T. hoped to find a friend in her baker when she ordered this Toy Story-inspired Woody cake:

But instead she went to fecality, and beyond:

It's like two poop ropes shaking hands.

In fact, I think we're going to need a rear view on this one, don't you? [nodding] Yeah.

Turn 'er around, boys!

Hoo-WHEE! Saggy.

 Now, to be fair, I'm not sure how anyone would go about recreating this next cake exactly:

(What is that, printable fondant? It sure doesn't look like paper...)

 But regardless, this isn't it:

That moment when you realize the awful Pooh picnic wreck is an engagement cake.

And finally, Virginia K. wanted this shaped number cake for her eighteenth birthday:

 But instead, she celebrated her legal coming of age - and all its unlimited litigation possibilities - with this:

So many things to say, but I keep coming back to those color choices. "Ok, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking EARTHWORMS and MINT ICE CREAM. Can we make that happen? Yes? AWESOME."

Thanks to Rebecca, Ammi T., Anony M., &Virginia K. for that horrifying mental image. I mean, sure, I wrote it, but still. I BLAME YOU.
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And from my other blog, Epbot: