Star Wars: The Cakey Farce Awakens

Say it with me, kids: I've got a baaaaad feeling about this.

Have you been watching all the previews, twittered sneak-peeks, and snazzy promo pics coming out for the new Star Wars movie?

GOOD!

Because I'm going to recap the best stuff for you.

First of all... NEW MILLENIUM FAAAAAALCOOOOON!

I hear it's more aerodynamic this way.

("She may not look like much... but we also have ice cream.")

You've probably seen the new Storm Trooper helmets. So sleek and modern!

Not to mention happy-looking.

There's a lot of buzz around the new "fun-size" light sabers. Here's one turned on:

It's got a real "Jedi Master" vibe.

Aaand after its cooled off:

Actually, I hear they don't perform too well in the cold.

(Take note, padawans.)

The good news is Disney has spared no expense on special effects:

...and they're bringing in some awesome new lady characters!

Musical numbers to include:

A Whole New World (To Replace Alderaan)

Beauty and the BB-8

Vader Knows Best

Do You Want To Build An Intergalactic Senate

and

Some Day My Midi-Chlorians Will Come

The trailers haven't told us much about the new movie's story line, but I DID learn a beloved old friend will be making an appearance... as a new enemy.

That's right, my friends.

Get ready...

To face...

Darth Wicket.

"YUB YUB, B*TCHES"

Thanks to our own scruffy-looking nerf-herders Mad G., Carri C., Melanie V., Jennifer V., Anony M., Angela H., Elissa D., & Monica G. And remember:

(You can read the story behind this one here.)

*****

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