Slights of the Season
This is my absolute favorite time of year to write for Cake Wrecks. That makes it hard, of course, when John is begging me to please just run some "best-of" posts so we can get a few days off to spend with family this week, but, c'mon. Like I'm supposed to just NOT post this Santa cake:
My, Santa, what big scary eyes your mustache has.
Yes, those ARE plastic eyebrows, and they're upside down. But thank goodness the baker didn't have to pipe the eyes and mustache herself, because THIS is soooo much better. Reeeeally. (No, I mean really really. Do you see that "nose?" YIKES.)
And who says it's too early for Easter eggs?
NOT ME!
(Actually, if you just think of this as a belly cake for a baby shower, except instead of a baby it's all Santa fat in there, then it's deeply, deeply disturbing.)
In fact, I love this next Christmas egg so much that I want to commission someone to make me a plush version of it. Then I'll put the plush in a box, and put that box inside of another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself, and when it arrives? AHAHAHAHAA! I'll... hug him and squeeze him and call him George!
It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT!!
2021 UPDATE: Y'all. One of you mad geniuses actually went and did it:
My own plushie George!
Amber, you continue to rock.
Seriously, though, doesn't George looks like a snow-thug who's just lost a fist fight?
And we know he lost because - say it with me, now - BIG HEAD LITTLE ARMS!
This will never not make me laugh like a fool.
Hm. You know you've had a leeedle too much eggnog when you reference THREE separate cartoons for one wreck. Sorry. And to those of you who got all three references: the next glass is on me.
(No, I mean literally - eggnog also makes me clumsy.)
Sooo....
I don't really know how to get myself out of this literary hole I've just dug, so I'm going to try something SHOCKING.
Yeah, B*TCH*S!
Granted, I don't know what hip new curse word this is, but I'm guessing it's roughly equivalent to rocking out with your chicken out.
Speaking of which...
"Hey, baby, I got yer Christmas 'special' RIGHT HERE."
Oh, whoops. Sorry, Frosty; I, uh, didn't see you there.
...and I think your nose fell off.
Maybe I should wrap this up before things get even more out of hand. So allow me to wish you ALL...
...the best of luck in deciphering this.
Thanks to John, Denis S., Lizz, Sarah D., Alison L., Shell, & Laura P. for reminding us of the true meaning of sprinkles: to cover up spelling mistakes and bad handwriting.
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Here's a stellar (eh?) gift for anyone who loves astronomy: solar system bracelets! I like that they're subtle, so folks have to look twice to realize you need your space.
Solar System Bracelets
Even better, they come in a bunch of different styles - chain, elastic, adjustable cord - and only cost $10 each!
*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:
