Pretty As A Bow Tie On A Beaver

It's Princess week, minions, but Disney is closed. [SOB] To quote Westley from Princess Bride, "There's a shortage of perfect brea.... [remembers there are kids present]...kfast boxes in the world. Yep. Perfect breakfast boxes. Plus we're short on princesses!"

Not to worry, though, because who needs official princesses when we can make our own?

First we'll need the two most important parts of any princess: a brain, and a tiara.

OH LOOK

Lucky for us the brain tiara also comes with a.... thermometer? Baby rattle? Bottle opener? Minion smacker? Cat poker? Wait, I've got it: It's a head scratcher. Eh? EH? ::taps temple knowingly::

Next, every princess needs a castle.

Excuse me. I said, she needs a CASTLE.

A CASTLE 

....

Fine, we'll go with that.

Or she needs a tall tower to be locked in, where she'll be forced to cook her own food, download TikTok, and learn how to use Zoom.

Perfect.

Now let's add in that all-important animal sidekick. Can't have a princess without one of those!

I shall call him Flopsy.

Flopsy is a great conversation starter. Why, you won't believe how many people will compliment a princess on her beaver.

And finally, for that crowning touch, we just need a magical landscape to frolic through:

Aw yeah.

COMMENCE FROLICKING.

Thanks to Anony M., Frog C., Victoria D., Luke K., Michelle & Fred G., Kate B., & Jessica C. for the extra fun guys.

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And if you want to read about another lady with (hilarious) beaver issues:

Brenda's Beaver Needs a Barber is free right now on Kindle Unlimited!

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And since MegaCon is postponed this year, check out our coverage from last year on Epbot:

That's My Wreck, NACHOS

If you frequent Pinterest you've probably seen these Sweet campfire cakes going around:

These are relatively simple, fun designs made with chocolate icing, Pirouette cookies, and hard sugar "flames." Some folks also add toasted marshmallows:

(By Shower of Roses)

So pretty!

Now, you're supposed to melt down butterscotch and cinnamon candies to make those flames, but one bakery decided ain't nobody got time for that, and swapped them out for the PERFECT SUBSTITUTE:

Nacho Cheese Doritos.

Doritos?

Yes, DORITOS.

"Aw, but Jem," you're thinking, because you've once again confused me for an outrageous cartoon rock star - and I'll be honest, I ain't mad - "But Jem, look how cheap it is! A little stale cheese dust in our chocolate icing isn't so bad for less than 13 smackeroos, right?"

OH CON-TRARE, my hopefully French-illiterate friend.*

[*By which I mean illiterate in French, not from France and illiterate. Though if you are illiterate and from France you can't read this anyway, so just BE COOL, friends-of-illiterate-French-people, and don't go telling them Jem's talking smack, 'cuz JEM DON'T PLAY THAT.]

Look a little closer at that label:

"Plus cost of candy & chips."

PLUS!?

Yeeeeah, Jem don't play that either, bakers.

Thanks to Mackensie C. for the sick burn.

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Here's another CUTE version, though fair warning: you can't eat it:

Fisher-Price S'more Fun Campfire Set

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And from my other blog, Epbot: