9 Hilariously Bizarre Halloween Cakes To Make You Go, "Huh?"

Happy Halloween, minions! Let’s go out with a bang, shall we? :D

Bakeries get a lot of leeway this time of year, since Halloween is supposed to have ugly gross stuff:

But there's raspberry jam soaked zombie faces, and then there's... uh... this:

Took me a solid minute to figure it out:

A banana shooting laser beams.

(I am SO GOOD AT THIS, you guys.)

Yep, bakers are once again trying to collectively punk the world, churning out ridiculous Halloween designs each more baffling than the last:

Aliens? Amoebas?
This guy?

I actually see this design a lot:

The angry toilet paper has sprouted arms, and is pulling itself to freedom.

While this roll vows revenge on airbrushes everywhere:

"I am not 'pretty,' I AM THE TERRIFYING TP! Here to WIPE you out! Mwuah-ha-haaawhy are you laughing?"

Next we have an ice cream swirl wearing a traffic cone about to be impaled by a trident.
Because if THAT doesn't say "Happy Halloween"... then don't worry 'cuz the board does:

For some reason ghost sperm are always a big seller this time of year:

They look kinda confused, though, right?
Like they can't tell if they're coming or going.

[HEYO.]

Also confused? Me, after looking at this thing:

They managed to get icing absolutely everywhere except on top of the cupcakes.
Now that's scary.

And finally, a possessed stove burner:

Because haunted appliances are SO hot right now.

("It burns. IT BURRRRNS!")

 Have fun tonight, gang! Remember, this is the one night of the year when it’s OK to have candy for dinner, so take FULL advantage.

There's a ghost of a chance Brittany D., Carrie, Ginny V., Karen S., Megan S., Karrie T., Jennifer K., Jennifer R., & Shannon T. will be ordering out tonight. You're welcome, ladies!

******

P.S. Today's TP ghost cakes led me to the best home accessory ever:

THIS, my friends, is a "Talking Toilet Paper Spindle." You record your own message, which it will play back when your guests spin the roll. [rubbing hands together evilly] I can't wait to use this baby at our next Christmas party.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

These Ghosts Are SO COOL

Sure, Halloween gets all the hype, but did you know TONIGHT is actually the spookiest night of the year?

That's right, minions, tonight... is Haunted Refrigerator Night.

DUN

DUN

DUUUUUUN

::scream::

How do you know if your fridge is haunted? EASY. Just peek inside, and if you see the doorway to Gozer's temple, it's totes haunted.

But what about the refrigerated cases in bakeries? Can THOSE be haunted?

I'd call that a big "yes."

In fact, sometimes if you listen closely to the display case, you'll hear messages from the beyond:

Those poltergeists, such pranksters. 

You know how in scary movies there's always a face in the bathroom mirror?

This one's eyes even follow you! No really. Try leaning waaaay over in your chair. 

Now the other way. 

Has anyone asked what you're doing yet? 

No? Rats. Never mind.

Or how about that thing in movies where someone notices something odd from across the room, and moves closer to investigate?

Oh heck no, I know a Hell Mouth when I see one. [yelling through megaphone] BACK AWAY FROM THE CHOCOLATE CAKE.  ...AND LEAVE A FORK.

So remember, minions, tonight is all about keeping your cool. And if you DO see anything suspicious in your fridge:

Just do what I do: close the door and tell John we're getting pizza. In fact, your safest course is to do that ANYWAY, really. So go, save yourself! Eat pizza!

Thanks to Alacia E., T.B., Lucy M., Erin, I.B., & Tara U. for our weirdest excuse to get take-out yet. I can't wait to explain this one to John.

Oh, and if you need help convincing your SO the fridge is haunted, then I've got just the thing. Have you seen those magnetic poetry words? Well, it turns out there are soooo many more varieties beyond "poetry."

Magnetic Poetry Kit

There are more obscene options - and really sweet ones, too! - but "whoop ass" will never not be funny to me. Plus I'd invent a whole back story of a tiny belligerent ghost that lives in our crisper drawer and judges our food choices. Ha! Ohh, look out, John, I feel a new hobby coming on.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: