Say What?

I know they keep pushing back the retirement age, but this is ridiculous:

Worst. Retirement package. Ever.

Clearly this "celabrate" you speak of refers to an activity with which I am unfamiliar.

Ever notice what a difference an "e" can make?

Ouch.

Or the lack of proper spacing?

Woohoo! Uric acid-induced arthritis! Yeah!

At first glance I thought this next cake said "gobbles," which you must admit would have been perfect on an edible baby cake.

Of course, if you say it fast enough this actually almost sounds right.

And, poof!
Just like that, I got you all to say the word "Gobbless" under your breath.

BOW BEFORE YOUR PUPPET MASTER!

Bwah-ha-haa-haaa!!!

Ahem.

And finally, a reminder of the importance of commas:

"The first 102rd moms were just so-so, but number 103th? BINGO."

Thanks to Bethany V., Clare P., Jason T., Angela L., Erin L., & Rachel M., and whoever first put an "rd" superscript over a number two. (Seriously, just try to pronounce "2rd" without giggling. Go on.)

*****

P.S. In case this post wasn't painful enough:

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes

There are a lot of "dad joke" books out there, but this one has awesome ratings AND the word "spiffing" on the cover, so it's a clear winner.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sunday Sweets: Haunted Tour

[Dog howling]

[rusty gate creaking]

[muffled organ music]

Knock... Knock... Knock...

By Giggy's Cakes and Sweets

Oh, hello there. Do come in. You're just in time for some Halloween "entertainment." Just brush those cobwebs aside and make your way into this unnecessarily cold and dimly-lit foyer.

Tonight, you will join me on a tour through some of the creepiest, spookiest, and most haunting Sweets we've ever featured. Are you FRIGHTENED? {Evil snicker...} Excellent.

Follow me into the next room where I have a little treat waiting for you.

This was our last visitor:

By Becky S.

We thought he'd beheaded home by now.

Ahh, and please allow me to introduce my blushing bride:

By Debbie Does Cakes

If I can be frank, our marriage is a real scream.

Follow me into the laboratory where our scientists are tinkering with a few experiments...

Submitted by Miranda P. and made by Sami L.

We'll leave him be. It looks like he's got a lot on his mind.

Do be careful walking into this next room. You never know what might cross your path.

By Sandra (socake)

Oh, don't worry; she doesn't bite... hard.

Keep your eyes peeled while you're walking through the toy room. Someone might be in there clowning around...

By Mamma Jamma Cakes

Yes, his eyes and hair have a ghoulish glow, but that's only because he's so happy to have someone new to play with.

Did you notice our Jack O' Lantern?

By Dena's Sweetly Unique Cakes

I think there's candy inside. Why don't you reach your hand in to get some?

Or grab yourself an apple! I promise they're not poisoned.

By Mamma Jamma Cakes

Although they do have a bit of a bite.

Is that a shiver I detect? Then perhaps we should avoid the basement:

By Cake Rhapsody

It tends to give people goosebumps*.

(*Modeled after the second Goosebumps book, Stay Out of the Basement.)

I'm sorry, is my little tour making your skin crawl?

By DeadBright

I could lighten things up with a few jokes. They'll have you in stitches, I promise.

Oh, and stay on your toes as we enter the old Victorian ballroom. You never know what spirits might still be dancing around in here.

Submitted by Kelinda S. and made by Cake Opera Co.

Did you feel that?

I could have sworn I saw something in the corner there.

I must be imagining things.

Well, I'm afraid you must be leaving now. The missus and I are expecting more guests this evening. But don't forget our creepies and the crawlies, our spooks and scares, our evil demons and ghostly ghouls!!

After all, we want you to sleep well tonight.

LIKE THE DEAD, in fact.

Mwuaaah haaaa haaaa!

Ahahahahaaaa!!

BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

Oh, and don't miss the gift shop on your way out; we have rock candy and postcards for 50% off!

And one last thing:

By Rosebud Cakes

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

*****

P.S. 'Tis the season... for coffin shaped makeup holders!

Nanayo Coffin Shelf & Brush Holder Set

This 2-piece set comes with a wall-mounted shelf for lipsticks/nail polishes and a smaller brush holder for your vanity top. Gothic chic for my year-round spooky-lovers out there!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: