School Daze

Hey kids! So you’re officially back in school!

I guess we all know how you feel about that.

If it's any consolation, your parents feel the same way when they pay for your school supplies.

("How can you possibly need 37 1-inch plain white view binders?!?")

Supplies in hand, you'll be learning important life skills like:

How to follow directions:

... handwriting:

... and the importance of finishing your work:

(Also, irony.)

What will your favorite subject be?

Math?

Social Studies?

(That extra one on the bottom really pulls the whole thing together, doesn't it?)

Spelling and Grammar?

Or maybe you're one of those kids who likes P.E.:

(I was not, so that "bat" sums up my feelings perfectly.)

Whichever it is, remember to go easy on your new teachers; chances are they're still in vacation mode, too.

Scholarly thanks to Amanda M., Colleen M., T.S., Molly McG., Steve V., Patrick T., Annette H., Heather Y., Oomps62, Michelle M., & Julie, who followed our submission guidelines perfectly -- I guess they paid attention in school.

Don't Do Drugs, Kids. Seriously.

So there's a brand new cake design in town, and it's, well...

... confusing.

At first I thought it was just some leftover Batman flotsam running wild amongst the New Year's party hats.

Then I thought maybe the "party hats" were supposed to be some kind of psychedelic twin sunsets.

Then I gave up.

You guys kept sending these things in, though, demanding answers - or at least a healthy dose of mockery - which eventually led me to realize that most of you were taking your pictures upside down.

That's when things REALLY started coming together:

See? Now it's so obvious! They're mustachioed garden gnomes in straight jackets! DUH.

Just kidding.

According to my sources, they're actually ice cream cones. Wearing mustaches.

Here's the best example I could find:

(Go ahead, scroll back up and look at those other cakes again. I'll wait.)

[whistling]

(Back with me? Awesome.)

So, in conclusion: Kids, don't do drugs. And kids, don't do drugs and then try to market to hipsters. Seriously. Besides, this whole mustache thing is SO last week, amirite? So you can quit insulting our intelligence, corporate bakery people, and just take your silly little plastic mustaches and twee sense of cuteness and just... just...

[blink blink]

Forget what I just said.

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

Thanks to Lorah W., Melinda M., Megan R., Kimberly S., Emily F., Colleen K., & Angie C., who know puns make everything better. Even hipster mustaches.