If You Say There's No Such Thing As "Too Much Icing," Then This Post Is For You

It was Talk Like A Pirate Day last week, but I think this bakery could have used less talking and more map-drawing:

When in doubt, add more arrows.

Julie asked for "boyish colors and decorations."

So you saw it here first, folks: Clown poop is officially "boyish."
And a "decoration."

Every time I complain about an insane icing-to-cake ratio, the pro-icing peeps come out of the woodwork, exclaiming that no amount of icing is TOO much icing.

Aiiight, you pro-icing-ers, consider this the gauntlet being thrown:

Is THIS enough icing for ya?

Kasey asked for a cake that said "Happy Birthday," and then in parentheses, "Mulan was here."

You'd think the parentheses curve-ball would trip them up, but no, that was the one thing they really nailed:

There's just nothing in it.

They say it's officially Fall.
I don't believe it.
They say Pumpkin Spice makes everything better.
I don't believe it.
They say this is a pumpkin:

[head tilt]

Eh, seems about right.

Thanks to S.E., Julie A., Kristina J., Kasey R., & Sarah C. for agreeing with me that Pumpkin Spice Oreos is the line, and that line HAS BEEN CROSSED TOO FAR.

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P.S. I can't think of a better gift for Fall than this, y'all:

Pumpkin Spice Scented Toilet Paper

Admit it, you thought of at least one person in your life who needs this.

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

What Fresh Canned Fruit Cocktail Horror Is THIS?!

It's not even October, you guys, but bakers are already trying to scare us.

Fruit cocktail dumped on chocolate Tres Leches cake?
WHAT FRESH CANNED HORROR IS THIS?

And while we're bellowing rhetorical questions to the heavens...

The eyelashes. Why?
The head wound/toupee. Why?
The person who eventually paid money for this. WHYGAWDWHY

Ahem.

Brides-to-be, let's talk about putting a blood fountain under your wedding cake.
Specifically, let's talk about how you should NOT do that.

Granted, you almost don't notice the blood fountain under all the fake flowers, plastic staircases, feathers, and Mardi Gras beads - but unless Freddy Krueger is marrying the 80s, this is not a good thing.

The label says "Pumpkin Spice Cake," but Ashley wasn't fooled:

She knows "Poo-mpkin" Spice when she sees it!

And finally, here's my new favorite butchering of "you will be missed."

Judging by that splat behind the L, it's a shame the baker didn't.

Thanks to Joanna R., Brenna Z., Karen F., & Laurie - NOT "Lorie" - for the excellent wreckporting.

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I'm still laughing at my own joke about Freddy Krueger marrying the 80s, so let's keep that energy going with some Golden Girls Mad Libs:

The Golden Girls Mad Libs

 I just started watching Golden Girls for the first time ever (I don't know where I've been, but I'm guessing watching Star Trek) and I don't know if y'all knew this, but it's funny! :p

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And from my other blog, Epbot: