The Bakery Order Book IS A LIE

We all know asking a bakery to match a cake photo you brought in is inviting disaster, but what about the photos in their own order book? SURELY they can match those, right?

[poker face]
[lip quiver]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAA! Heehee! Hoo! Heh. Aheh. Heh.

[wiping eyes]

Sorry. I held it together as long as I could, honest.

I want you to pay close attention to that faux wood grain and the rock pattern on this one.

Now, notice how they...

...didn't include any of that.

Aren't the silver screw heads edging this motorcycle design super cool?

Yeah, you will never ever ever ever ever ever get those on your cake.

Ever.

Also, your flames will look like melty tentacles.

Now here's a SUPER easy one:

Practically everything you see is plastic, so all the baker has to do is add a star and some squiggly lines. THAT'S IT.

Drum roll, please:

:headdesk:

Maybe you think ordering an intentionally "messy" design is the answer:

Good plan! And yet...

NOPE.

I do have some good news, though. With another year of Frozen cakes under their belts, bakers are finally starting to improve on that always-disastrous kit design!

Ok, so I lied.

But c'mon, those "mountains" had to be shared with the world.
ALL HAIL THE GLORY OF THE PINK BAKED POTATO.

Thanks to Christian P., Tanis C., Lisa C., Dawn H., & Lavon C., for discovering Olaf also likes warm spuds.

*****

Hang on, here's one last giggle:

Cotton Chef Apron w/ 4 Pockets

We all know someone who needs this apron, right?

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

The Dino Days Of "Bummer"

THREE IS THE NUMBER THOU SHALT COUNT.

And this three is the number thou shalt bake.
(It is a nice three; I like the cake board especially.)

Now.... GO!

NI!
I mean, NOOOO!

Ok, enough Monty Python references.

Now on to the Firefly ones!

Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, bakers.

CURSE IT.

If you find yourself in need a sex reveal cake next Thanksgiving, then here's a cute option:

As a hardcore pun-lover, I'm digging how both "waddle" AND "wattle" could work here. (In fact, "wattle" would be better. Just sayin'.) Plus the blue and pink tail is fun.

But you know what's NOT fun?

When you ask a baker for that, and instead...

...get this.

Sad as that turkey is, I'm most outraged by the pun botchery. This is like the cake version of that relative who comments "I don't get it" on all your Facebook memes. "IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THE DOG CAN'T SPELL, Aunt Claire. And looks surprised. See, it's a funny dog who can't spell and is surprised and OH NEVER MIND."

Thanks to Amber B., Maria W., & Shannon D. for the poultry in motion.