Jen's Head Case (Now With Monkeys!)

I will now illustrate the first 7 stages of getting a sinus infection... using monkey cakes.

Like ya do.

Stage 1) Hey, my head kind of hurts - but I'm sure everything's fiiiiiine.

Watch me do some improbable leg stretches!

Stage 2) Wow, this headache is getting particularly stabby.

...much like this banana.

Stage 3) I never knew eyebrows could scream.

Stage 4) I can't hear you. Are there cupcakes stuffed in my ears? It feels like there are cupcakes stuffed in my ears. Giant ones. With glass shard sprinkles.

I'll just smile and nod when people talk from now on.

Stage 5) MY HEAD IS FILLED WITH CONCRETE AND EVERYTHING HURTS DON'T TALK TO ME DON'T LOOK AT ME JUST BRING ME MORE HOT TEA ARRRRGNNNGGGRAAAAAAAR!

Stage 6)

[sound of a menthol vaporizer chugging steam while Star Trek reruns play in the background]

[.....]

Drooly, a vacant stare, & heavily medicated.

Yep, looks about right.

Thanks to Anony M., Donna L., Sue S., Ellen M., Alison S., & Angela J. I'll tell ya what stage 7 is once I get there, guys.

*****

P.S. Need a funny Secret Santa gift? Then LOOK NO FURTHER:

Anti Monkey Butt Powder

I can't believe no one has hired me to be their personal shopper yet.

FROSTED FEAR: The Snow Man Cometh

Someone...
is watching:

But it's not Santa.

He could be in your basement.
He could be in your room.
But most likely...

HE'S IN YOUR BAKERY.

"Diet soda? You know how bad that stuff is for you?"

So run, run, run, as fast as you can:

Because these snowmen:

are out
FOR BLOOD:

[Wilhelm scream]

There will be FIGHTS:

"Put 'em up, ya frosted flake!"

There will be PUNS:

"A-HA! Who's disarmed now, bee-yotch??"

And HEADS will ROLL:

"Little help here?"

"We'll bite your legs off!"

But mostly...

there will...

be...

TERROR.

At least until the hot cocoa is ready.
Then those suckers are goin' DOWN.

Thanks to Adria P., Mark H., Anony M., Cheyenne A., Jessie T., Andi L., Vanessa M., Bethany S., Tom B., and Dyan B., who are stockpiling flame throwers, just in case. (And don't worry, guys; I'll bring the marshmallows!)

*****

I just found the most delightfully wacky gift: it's a build-your-own-snowman that slowly melts at room temperature, so you can keep rebuilding it over and over:

"Let It Melt!" Snowman Kit

Be sure to browse the customer photos on this one, they're a riot. :P
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: