Just Clowning Around

Hey, remember when clowns were funny, endearing creatures that delighted young children with their crazy antics and playful innocence?

Yeah, me neither.

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL."

Believe it or not, I used to BE a clown. I'm talking face paint, balloon animals - the works. I realize that automatically makes me creepy and terrifying, but as a five-foot-tall, pigtail-wearing geek girl, I'm actually Ok with that.

"FEAR ME!!"

"Oh, and could you grab the Cheerios off the top shelf? I can't reach."

You're probably wondering how children reacted to me as a clown, since everyone knows clowns only exist to obtain your internal organs in as bloody a method as possible - which they will then juggle in front of you, cackling, while an out-of-tune calliope churns slowly in the background and you're surrounded by fun house mirrors and porcelain dolls with empty eye sockets who somehow seem to be getting closer... and closer...

Sorry, where was I?

Oh, right. The kids.

To be honest, I spent my clowning days way more scared of children than they ever were of me. You see, children are very small. And fast. And when you present a pack of them with a single defenseless clown holding an excessively large bag of free candy, children can make the Hunger Games look like an episode of Mister Rogers. 

Little Known Fact: clowns bleed squirty flowers.

And if you think a headless clown is unsettling, imagine a huge pile of nothing but clown heads.

Or better yet, just look at this:

(Ok, so maybe "better" wasn't the right word...)

Now imagine it slowly rotating, while a music box tinkles in the next room, and the door behind you creeeaks open to reveal a pale little girl with black, staring eyes, who suddenly shrieks...

"MAKE ME A BALLOON ANIMAL!!!"

O.O

Thanks to Anony M., Liz M., Dena R., Kristina K., & Carrie M., who dare you to look at this clown I found in a local arcade here in Orlando. That's right: THEY DARE YOU. Me, I'll just be whimpering over here in the corner...

*****

P.S. Speaking of balloon animals, can we talk about how stinking cute these doggy balloons are?

"Walking" Dog Balloons, 6 Pk


You can fill them with either air or helium, and then "walk" them on their ribbon leashes, which is friggin' adorable:

And it’s only $10 for the 6 pack!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

7 Back-To-School Cakes That Shall Not Pass

School's back! Yay!!

Now, how do we sign these bakers up?

(Or at least you were.)

Yes, really. Another one.

And a special shout-out to all of you heading off to college, like Andy here:

Congrats on being "excepted"!!!

Thanks to Cindy C., Michelle M., Hayley, Amanda M., Susan, Tanya, & Erika P. for the "exceptional" work.

*****

P.S. Need to hide your eyes *and* listen to music or a good podcast? Then check THESE babies out:

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

I listen to boring audio books on these every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control, which works wonders for my insomnia. Lately I've been wearing them like a sleep mask -  like the model here - and WOW, that's helped even more than when I wore them like a headband! These things have been a life saver: comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they only cost $16 Prime.

Note that they do run on the big side, but that works out great if you have a big head like me. :D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: