When July Is Forthcoming

It's America's birthday next week, e'erbody!

Don't you hate it when you get to the party and/or bakery and everyone's started drinking without you?

Of course, most folks know it simply as:

4th July of.

Or July 4th of.

Your choice.

Yes, friends, it’s a day to salute all nations, but mostly America. Preferably with a glorious three-hour finale, condensed into a minute and a half. (OBSCURE MUPPET JOKE HEYOOOO)

"You are all WEIRDOS."

It’s a day of fireworks, fun, and patriotic grilled meat... um... cakes. Obviously.

"You know what this 4th of July sh*t grill needs? A FUZZY PURPLE BORDER HEYOOOO!"
- a drunk baker, probably

(John: "You already used the 'heyooo' thing, take that out."
Me: IT'S MY BLOG HEYOOOOO
John: "...."
Me: "Pass me my drink, farm boy. HEYOOOOO."
John: "No. You've had enough tea."
Me: "NOOOOOOOO HEYOOOOO"
John: "I've quit better jobs than this.")

So whatever you're up to for the fourth, folks, just remember:
It’s also the day we celebrate the great Will Smith movie.

Just as soon as we remember how to spell it.

Thanks to Matthew C., Julie A., Samantha W., Katie S., & Ashleigh G. for reminding me what movie to watch this weekend. HEYOOOOO.

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And if you’re looking for some craft tutorials or inspiration, look no further than our very own,

Epbot Craft Page! Now with more crafts!

Giving New Meaning To Tongue In Cheek

Hey bakers, you know how you all get together in shadowy back rooms and debate which new frosted horrors to unleash on your unsuspecting customers?

Well, never thought I'd say this, but you've finally outdone yourselves.

Blue Cake Tacos.

Wow.

That's like a whole new breed of wrong. Srsly. I'm talking "because 'MURICA" wrong. I'm talking BK's deep fried Cheetos-crusted Mac n' Cheese sticks wrong. Which, as we all know, is so wrong it's almost right. (But still so, so wrong.)

HAT TIP.

Just to avoid any confusion, minions, you might attach a photo of the cake you want to your bakery order, and then be VERY clear that *your* cake should be identical to the cake shown.

Of course, if you do that, then you also might get this.

Technically, that IS "identical to the cake shown."

When your grill cake looks better upside down:

See? MUCH better as a bug-eyed monster.

Possibly the most hysterical label BOOPSIE I've seen yet:

If only all SHT MARBLE cakes had "quick responsive handling," am I right? Though not too sure about the Wet Traction part. o.0

Psst. Don't look now, but I think little Reid's cake is having, shall we say, dark thoughts:

Sorry, kids, I *would* cut the cake, but Murder Monkey just whispered something about "red rum" and now we're all having salad instead.

Hey, you know how people say, "You're a peach!" when they really mean,"You're a butt-faced cretin and I hate you"?

NOW THERE'S A CAKE FOR THAT.

Best served under a full moon.

But(t) before you poo-poo my jokes, I promise that crack was completely tongue-in-cheek.

Thanks to Sarah E., Alanna B., Ivy W., Melissa K., Sara W., & Vicki S. for keeping the Fern Gully cracks on the DL.

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Slightly off topic but would it surprise you to learn that boob mousepads are a thing? No? Because I was tempted to link to the Deadpool version, which is hilarious but a bit too NSFW. So instead, please enjoy these squishy Corgi butt designs:

Corgi 3D Ergonomic Mousepad