You're About To Spend Way Too Much Time Trying To Pronounce "Tomatch"

It's "Stay Away From Seattle Day", minions, so for all of you NOT in Seattle: good job. Have some cake.

 And for you Seattle-ites: maybe try not to annoy the people who make up weird holidays. (Unless this a benefit, so you get a day free from tourists?)

Anyhoo, much like staying away from Seattle, today's cake orders were almost ridiculously easy.

First there's Kristen, who asked for a simple "Ezra is 3!" on her son's cake. Just like staying away from Seattle, a simple requirement that only leads to confusion:

Hmm. Better take it from the top, Kristen.
 

 Then there are the people in St. Paul, who wanted cupcakes to celebrate their city. That's all, just a little good old-fashioned pride in where they live, all the great things you can do and get there...

Oh. Oh, dear.

And finally, Melissa had the lowest bar yet: just a simple birthday cookie. What kind of decorations? Oh, you know, she said. "Just anything to match."

Thanks to Kristen S. Sweet P., & Melissa B. for the reminder that nothing is easy if you try hard enough.


*****

P.S. This one goes out to all you folks in St. Paul:

Giant Microbes' Chlamydia Plush Toy

Listed under features: "Surprisingly cute... for an STD."

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

These Bakers Struck Out, But At Least They Nailed The Dirty Part

When you don't know if you should be more relieved... or worried:

Is that... a pie tin?

o.0

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Her local bakery didn't have a bowling design, so Renee brought in a little plastic bowling kit a few days ahead of time for them to use on her son's birthday cake.

The good news?

They DID put the plastic bowling set on the cake.

The bad news?

This was the cake:

FORE!!

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I'll give you a hint on this next one: it's a football helmet.
Now see if you can figure out what it is:

No clue, right? Right there with ya.

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THIS, my friends, is a simple-but-sweet Cornelli Lace sheet cake:

And THIS is what happens when a baker sees that photo and says, "I could knock that sucker out in like 90 seconds. You! Boy! THROW ME THAT PIPING BAG."

Boo. Ya. Emphasis on the "boo."

***

And finally, there's this:

Which I thought was maybe a little inappropriate for a three year old, but then John pointed out it's supposed to be a dirt path.

[side eye]

[more side eye]

[weighing the many, MANY possible jokes here]

[and also the number of children reading this]

So at least they nailed the "dirty" part.

Thanks to Hank C., Renee B., Brendan B., Krystine M., & Wanda K. for driving that last one home.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot: