The Horny Unicorn

PARENTAL NOTE: Best keep the little ones away today. I think this is mostly safe for work, though. Mostly. [evil grin]

I'm sensing there's a story here:

Just me?

And I kinda love how this bakery advertises that they're 50 years old - so mature! so established! - RIGHT NEXT to their poop cakes:

Anyone else immediately "go" to this?

We all are, Danny. WE ALL ARE.

(Also, can we talk about how intentional poop cakes don't look NEARLY as sh*tty as the unintentional ones? No? Allllllrighty then.)

Bakers, minions, makers and binions - we've been through this. Right? I mean, I thought I was *very* clear last time. Apparently this needs repeating, though, so here goes.

Ahem hem hem.

UNICORNS DON'T HAVE DONGS ON THEIR HEADS.

Buck up, it's gonna be a bum-py ride.

I'm starting to think you guys are missing the point on purpose, just so I'll write more of my awesome "horny" puns. And they are awesome. But still. Cut it out.

And speaking of things that are happy to see you, here's the one kind of troll you WANT on the internet:

(Tutorial here)

...aaaand here's how a baker trolls a Troll cake:

Oh.

Oh dear.

Thanks to Laura H., Susan O., Anony M., & Anony T. for the most excellent wreckporting.

*****

P.S. I feel like I should apologize for this t-shirt, so... I'm sorry.

Dinosaurs Eat Unicorns T-Shirt

Unless you're laughing. In that case, you're welcome - and this comes in more colors at the link. :)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

I Just Realized How Phallic "Saggy Clown Volcano" Is... And I'm OK With That

Ever see a cake so deliberately confusing that you're sure you're missing something obvious?
I mean, look at this thing:

Someone went through a massive amount of effort - different colors, squiggle techniques, flotsam arrangement - all to make a senseless, saggy clown volcano. Why? What does it mean?

Or how about this snapshot of prehistoric life found in a bakery window?

How I imagine this went down:

"Is that a bridge over all the dinosaurs?"

"Yeah. The Brooklyn Bridge."

".... are you sure?"

"100%"

And now, what appears to be candy corn, sandwiched between two half-rounds of plain cake, all smashed onto a bed of... pimento... brains?

Remember when balloons on cake was a thing? And flowers? Those were the days.

And finally, Susan found this under the heading (heh) "Naughty but Nice," so I assume it's NSFW... but I can't for the life of me figure out HOW:

Somebody get me a old priest, a young priest, and an anatomy book.

Thanks to Vanessa, Jacob B., Andrea P., & Susan C. for the world's naughtiest furry hockey stick.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as confusing as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

:D

******

And from my other blog, Epbot: