The Presidential Pastry Debate

Below is an excerpt from last night's debate between current cake commissioner Rex M. Mall and his challenger, Ida Eatondat. 

Mall: "Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent would have you believe she's rooting for the common baker, but I tell you the word 'congratulations' isn't even in her vocabulary.

"And she's also terrible with apostrophes."

Eatondat: "Don't let Mr. Mall distract you with hearsay, my friends. We all know he's in the pocket of Big Frosting."

"In fact, my recent investigation has proven that his new line of 'iced shakes' are, in fact, solid Buttercream icing."

Mall: "Hey, at least my product is edible. How long did you work for the Plastic Flotsam Corporation, again, Ida?"

Eatondat: "That was years ago! I was young! And most customers knew not to eat the plastic! Plus technically I was never convicted."

Moderator: "Yes, let's try to keep it civil, candidates, plea..."

 Mall: "Oh yeah? Well, SHE EATS BABIES!"

 Eatondat: "Only half of one! And just at that one shower! Besides... uh... [pointing at Mall] HE MAKES CUPCAKE CAKES!"

 [audible gasps from the audience]

Eatondat: "That's right, LOTS of cupcake cakes! With airbrushing! And curly ribbon! And this one is supposed to be a guitar!"

[several audience members faint]

 Moderator: "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Mr. Mall?"

Mall: "Yes. I'm Batman."

Moderator: "That says you're the 6th Jeffery."

Mall: "DO NOT QUESTION THE BATMAN."

Thanks to Janet P., Candice H., Gabby G., Marianne W., Autumn R., Ed H., & Anony S., who only wish last night's debate had been this entertaining.