7 Cakes For "Dump Your Significant Jerk Week"

You know I love love, minions, but it's the week before Valentines Day. This is no time to get soft! No, we must be HARD. And DRIVEN. And I DIDN'T mean to make this a dong joke, but HERE. WE. ARE.

Ahem.

Let's start over.

Do you have a significant jerk in your life? Is it time for a fresh start? Do you need a cake to help you break things off? Then get comfy, my friend, and allow me to present some prime dumping options:

1) Give it some finality:

"Also it's not me, it's you."

2) Try some good old-fashioned mocking:

I'm guessing Shawn doesn't like "girly" stuff like pink flowers and overthrowing the patriarchy. YOUR LOSS, DUDE.

3) Remember, it's the thought that counts:

Also we're equal opportunity dumpers here. Buh-bye, Roxanne.

(Here's an easy mnemonic: you'll want to dance once the in-laws leave. So it's "riddance.")

4) Draw her as a weasel:

You laugh, but with the proper setup I bet an icing weasel could be devastating.

Of course, if you want to dump someone with cake, why not use a dump cake?

As you might imagine, I have a few options in this category:

5) The Poo-Poo Platter:

Here' you've got your basic poo-wangs and poopermint patties, plus a scattering of rabbit pellets, 'cuz there just wasn't enough crap on this cake.

6) The "You're A Dried-Up Old Turd:

Ew.

7) The "Thanks, But I'LL PASS":

"Also maybe see a doctor, because something is seriously wrong with you."

Thanks to dumpees Justin C., Thomas B., Roxanne S., Kevin B., Ashley M., Danielle P., & Tauni J. for getting it all out there. Don't you feel better?

*****

P.S. And for you non-conformist types who want to love love but also be goth at the same time, there's this:

Stainless Steel Rib Cage Heart Necklace

Because the fastest way to their heart is through their rib cage. (Also I kinda love this, so there.)